The Fic That Makes No Sense Whatsoever
by Mandy
Summary: I wrote this fic with the help of Micansana Dini It has no plot line! Don't even try to make sense out of it.
1. Default Chapter Title

The Fic That Makes No Sense Whatsoever   
_by Mandy and Mica_

_Warning: This fic is very dangerous to read because it makes no sense. For your own safety, do not try to understand it._

Splinter sat all by himself in the kitchen eyeing a very big piece of cheese. He drooled at the sitght. Splinter looks around the lair to make sure that there wasn't a turtle in sight. He was embarssed by this addiction to cheese. 

"Good, they're still not back from having pizza." He looks at the very tempting cheese and picks it up with his hands. 

A thought comes to his mind. 

"If I ever defeat that Shredder for good, I'll enslave him as a cheese shredder." Splinter laughs at his own joke. 

"Now you will die with honor, cheese." Splinter was just about ready to take a bite when he was surprised by the sound of four very noisy turtles. 

"Damn." He muttered but he didn't say it quietly enough because Leonardo overheard him. 

"MASTER SPLINTER!!" Leonardo said with surprise. 

"What?" Splinter gave him a look "I can swear if I wanna ya little prick." 

Just then, a GIANT cheeze monster entered the lair and stole Splinter's Cheeze 

"THAT'S MINE!" Splinter Shouted. 

"I strike in the name of poor defenseless cheezes EVERYWHERE!" The purple cheeze monster shouted. 

Leo was about to ask why everyone was shouting, but Rat-man interupted him "TURTLES! ATTACK!" 

"WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE YOUR POKEMON OR SOMETHING?" 

"Umm..Yeah, I did..that's what I raised you for." 

The purple cheeze monster stands there tapping his foot. "Can we get on with this already?" 

"WILL YOU JUST GET OFF MY BACK!! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!" Splinter Shouted. 

"This conversion is over master." Leo takes his two pointy swords out. "I'll show you Shredder." Leo cuts up Splinter into little pieces. 

Mikey cried. "Why are you crying Mikey?" Raph said "He was just a big pain anyway, he always bossed us around!" 

"I'm crying cuz I'm the sensitive one you dumbass!" Mike smacked Raph in the back of the head. 

"OW!" Raph yelled and drew his sai "NOW YOU DIE!" 

He stabbed at Mike, but it missed, and he stabbed Don instead. 

Don looked at the sai sticking out of his arm, then at Raph "Ow, that hurt you know." Don takes the sai out of his arm. 

"HELLO!?! I'M STILL HERE." said the ignored red cheese monster. 

"Oh, sorry about that. Raph will you take care of him already?" Raph smiles evilly. 

"I'm April O'Neil." April O'Neil says proudly. 

"Pizza Time!!" Mikey carries a freshly made pizza out. 

"Mmmm..this is good pizza Mikey." 

"Well, I can't take all the credit, I mean we all helped make it." 

"Yo dudes what's happening!!" said Vernon 

"This is!" said Venus. Venus whaps Vernon in the back of the head. Vernon disappears in a puff of smoke. 

"Why'd you do that, Venus?" 

"He was grossly out of character." 

"Really, Venus?" 

"No. actually I did it cause I felt like it. Did I miss brunch?" 

"Yes, and now you shall die for that." Raph lunges forward and trips and falls on the couch and dies. 

"Did you ever notice that Raph talks in second person about himself?" 

"No, Donatello did not notice that. For Donatello never talks in third person." 

Everyone gave Don a look "Don't do that." Splinter said " You're giving me the creeps." 

"The creeps?" April said "That's my job. For I am April O'Neil. I work at channel six news and only I can give you the creeps. If somebody else gave you the creeps then they aren't April O'Neil and since I was the one that did then I must be April O'Neil. That's because I'm April O'Neil. It was I who gave you the creeps and since i gave you the creeps then that would mean that I'm April O'Neil and I know this because I'm April O'Neil. Did I mention that I'm April O'neil?" April gives them the creeps because she is April O'Neil. 

"Where did April go?" 

"She has been kidnapped by the Shredder!" Mwahahahaha!!" Raphael hits Mikey. 

"Shutup dork!" 

"Ow!" 

At this point, Everyone disapeared in a poof of smoke and confused the audience into thinking the fic was over, but it was NOT! 

At that moment, a song blared across the lair and Hit Leonardo in the head. "OW!" and then the CD came OUT of the song and decapitated him. 

Just then, the rug that Venus was standing on moved. 

"What is that song doing flying around?" Vernon asked, attempting to sit up from under Venus. 

Venus starts to beat the rug. "Damn it! Why won't this rug die already?" 

Vernon suddenly dies of a Cankor sore. This is a very contagious one that Venus catches too. She throws it across the room and it hits Leo head. His head dies. 

"You were nothing but a stupid head anyways." Venus said as she kicked Leo's head. 

A dark figure creeped around the lair. 

"Looks!! It's gridlock!" said Leo. 

"Does he ever shutup?" said Raph. 

Gridlock came up behind Venus and and scared her to death since she didn't know who the heck he was. 

A little creepling jumped onto Gridlocks head and bit him hard until he ran away. 

"He stole my creeping bit!" the lil creepling said. 

"I didn't know creeplings could talk" Donatello commented. 

"I am April O'Neil, and the CREEPING thing is my bit. It is April O'Neil's bit to creep people out. Being that I am April O'Neil, it is my bit." 

"Bit? Hey!! I'm the one that got eaten, remember?" Splinter said. 

"And you were very tasty, Master." said Mikey. 

"Splinter flavored Pizza! Yum!" 

"Since when does Venus like Pizza?" 

"Since now, shut up, don't make me throw a pong pong ball at you." 

"Ping" 

"Pong" 

"Ping" 

"Pong" 

"Ping" 

"Pong" 

"Ping" 

"Pong" 

"Ping" 

"Pong" 

"Ping" 

"Pong" 

"IRC? Donnie, are you lurking online again? What did I tell you about using the phone line?" 

"You said that if I'm ever wasting my time online that I should never lurk and always talk about porno." 

"And...?" 

Don sighs. "And to always endorse your porno flicks." 

"Thats right!! Now I shall punish you for disobeying me." Splinter takes off his Kimono. Don dies from shock. 

Everyone ignores Splinter, so he puts his clothes back on. 

"Ummm..Where's Mikey?" Don asked. 

Everybody looked around including Gridlock. 

"I found him." said Mikey 

"Where is Mikey, Mikey?" 

"He's in the oven experimenting with a new flavor for a pizza." 

"Ohhhh..sounds tempting. What kind of pizza?" 

"Michaelangelo flavored." Mikey said proudly 

"Ummm...it smells like it's burning." 

They pulled the pizza out of the oven. Raph pokes Mikey with his sai and he crumbles to pieces. 

"A little to over done there, Mikey." 

"I guess so." 

Ok, this is where we pull you away from the fic, cuz this is the fic that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend, two crazy people started writing it, knowing exactly how evil it was, and they'll continue writing it forever just because this is the fic that doesn't end, you will read it forever, you started reading it not knowing how evil it was and you'll continue reading it forever just because this is the evil fic that never ends...could this mean that there will be a sequel?   
  



	2. The fic that still makes no sense whatso...

The Fic that Makes No Sense Part 2 The Fic That Makes No Sense Whatsoever   
__Chapter 2: The Insanity Continues... 

_by Mandy and Mica_

Okay... where were we? 

Chapter 2? What the nyar? Ummm..okay you do that. 

Shut up brain... anyway, i forget where we are, so here we go. 

Splinter was eating a big piece of cheese cause he likes to eat the cheese. And that's what he does cuz like he's a rat and stuff. Little pieces of cheese stuck to his whiskers. Ewwwww...gross. 

"Umm.. splinter.. uhh..." Leonardo said. He handed Splinter a Wet Nap. "You got cheese on your face." 

"Don't you think I know that?" said the little horny chinese guy who came out of Splinter's nose. 

"Ack!" said Leo, and he left the wet nap with Splinter and wandered off muttering about needing to ask Mike what the hell he was putting on those pizzas 

Splinter shrugged and use his finger to shove the boogie-man back up into his rat nostrils. He opened the wet nap and a wet nap monster came out. 

"I AM MOIST TOILETTE!!" cried the monster. 

"Ewwwwww" Mike said. 

"No, No." the monster said "toilette, not toilet." the monster was french, and from france. It was upset about the movie Rugrats in paris. It didn't like Kimmy. "I do not like Kimmy! She is booger-faced little yellow diaper girl! She is baby demon!" 

"What are we supposed to do about it?" Raph asked meanly because that is what he does cause he is the mean one and stuff. 

Venus came up with a perfectly feasable solution to the problem, but she disappeared in a poof of whipped cream because she does not exist anymore. 

"Mmmmm...this Venus whipped creme would make a good topping for a pizza." said Mike. 

Raphael threw a liquor bottle at Mike. "Don't you ever say that name again." Raph said moodly and then he disappeared in a poof of something unmentionable because the parents got angry at raph for throwing stuff. 

"Ooohhh..something naughty to put on the pizza." said Mike. 

It was at this time that Donatello walked in with his new invention, the clean-machine (which was actually just a sink, but who cares) "Ah ha!" He said "I have invented something to make YOU Mr. Moist toilette, OBSELETE!" Then he laughed a evil laugh. 

The monster screamed and sank into the ceiling just to be different, saying "CURSE YOU AND YOUR HORNILY EVIL SMARTNESS AND STUFF MISTER DON THE TELLO!" 

"Don the tello...I mean..Donatello..go to you room and wash your mouth out. There will be no evil laughing in my house." said Master Splinter. 

"Awww, but splinty!" Don whined "I killed the monster!" 

"I do not care. Do not call me Splinty. You are evil. Go, to the un-evilling chamber now or I'll make you crossover with the power rangers again!" 

They all screamed and Donatello quickly ran to the un-evilling chamber. 

"Rowr" said the horny little guy hanging from Splinter's whiskers. 

"Did I say that you could talk?" Splinter said as he grabbed him and squashed him on the floor with his tail. Guts flew everywhere and it was cool! 

The guy pulled himself together and regrouped like that dude in MIB and it was cooler! He whimpered and crawled back in splinter's nose. 

"Damn boogers (sp?). They never want to behave." Splinter said as he lit a fire and was about to put it in his mouth to smoke the lil twerp out. 

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh......" Splinter said with smoke coming out of his ears. 

Mondo was in the Living Room fixing his skateboard when he realized that he's dead. He collapsed on the floor and died. Well not really since he is already dead. Vernon came in and started stomping on his tail. He woke up and said "HEY MAN! STOP STOMPIN ON MAH TAIL! oh yea, and one last thing before I die again.. I DON'T wanna go to Minnesota!" 

"Well I don't even want to be in this fic. I was supposed to be on a date with the hunkiest guy." Irma said dreamily. 

Raphael comes up behind Irma with a pick ax for no reason. He had a horny look on his face as he chopped off his own dick. 

HEY HEY! NO HENTAI!! ok.. jeez, fine brain, get all pissy.. umm.. hmmm... he chopped off hmm.. IRMAS DICK.. wait.. that's not right... hmmm... he chopped off Irma's Ponytail.. good. :) 

"HEY!" Irma slapped him "Put that back!" 

"Umm.. ok" Raph said and he duct taped it back on. 

"That's better!" said Klunk. 

"I am the Rat King hear me Squeak!" said the Rat King because if he didn't say that then he wouldn't be the Rat King now would he? 

"Squeak!!" said the Rat King proudly as he walked out the door. 

"Would ANYONE like to kiss my buutterfly?" Aska asked, as this story was insane and she was allowed to be in it. 

Leo screamed in girlish horror, which kind of made sense (for reasons we won't mention, but...) 

"I would!" Klunk said. Then he ate Killer (one of Aska's butterflies) and Aska got mad and turned him into a cat with butterfly wings. 

"Aww! I wanted to be a bullet with butterfly pants!" 

"Pants?? pants?? Where are you getting crazy ideas like that, Klunk? You won't even meow like a normal cat anymore." Mike said as he shook the cat a little. 

"Your a naughty kitty." 

"Excuse me??? Doesn't anybody want to look at my butt!!?" Aska whines. 

"No," Splinter says "for I am an old Rat who does not partake in those types of pleasures. But, would you like some cheese with that whine?" 

"Sure" Aska says, and they sit down and eat some cheese together. 

"Now that we're sharing..." Splinter opens up his kimono and everybody screams. Aska does an unmentionable act and Splinter squeaks in pain. 

Then the brain steps in again and changes the scene. Everyone ends up in the TurtleVan, which is rather crowded since it's just a VW. But, then Donatello opens the extra-demensional space that all cartoon characters posess and everyone has enough room. 

"Chinese fire drill!!" Venus yells. She disappears, thus answering the question about what happens if somebody disappears in a chinese fire drill. They just disappear and nobody cares or notices. 

Then they hit a butterfly and Aska cries. "It's Okay" Splinter says wisely because he's like all wise and stuff. "All creatures must die." 

"That's right!" Aska hollors, and she takes out a meat hammer and pounds Splinter into meat Sushi in a Kimono. 

"Blahhhh.." said Vernon. "Nobody likes sushi." 

Aska looks at Vernon and stuffs the sushi down his throat and down his pants. She says "Gil-Bert!" He dies happily. 

Donatello pulls over the van. "There will be none of that in MY van!!" 

"Who says it's your van?" said Leo 

"I do" said Aska vouching for Donatello. 

"Who asked you?" Klunk said, flapping his wings in Aska's face. 

"Bzzzzz! It's MY van!!!" Baxter stockman said. 

Aska screamed "AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! A GIANT FLY! BUTTERFLIES ATTACK!" 

Leonardo and Raphael watch cause they like that kind of stuff. 

"Oh...ewwww..what are they doing?" said Leo. 

"I think...they're porning.." said Raph. 

"I did not want to hear about that." said Cyborg Don. 

"STOP IT MY BUTTERFLIES!!!!" screamed Aska. 

The van ran into a tree and everybody died except everybody that was in the van. 

"Well that's gonna be a pain that's gonna linger." said Raph 

An invisible force drew them back to the lair. Then One of the lair's walls fell down and crushed Raphael. Don happily fixed it, smiling and whistling like the happy repairman he is. 

"Oh why did you have to fix me?" asked Splinter. 

"Cuz the rat king keeps complaining aobut his daughters." said Don. 

Baxter and his flies were flown away by Aska's butterflies. 

"I'm saving you for later." Aska said as she evilly left. 

"Helllooo!!! I'm crushed here!" Raph growled from under the bricks. Mike put duct tape on his mouth. 

"I know Raph...you loved Aska's butt, but life goes on." said Leo while he was playing around with his pointy thingies. 

Mike made a grossed out face. "I thought Aska took that away from you, Leo?" 

"Shut up Mike." Leo said. 

Mikey shrugged. 

Suddenly the wet nap monster reappeared. "BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! DON THE TELLO! YOU HAVE NOT DEFEATED ME! I CAN FIT IN YOUR PURSE AND A SINK-LIKE INVENTION CANNOT! YOU ARE DOOOOOOMED I TELL YOU, DOOMED!! YOU *AND* YOUR RUGRATS IN PARIS!" 

"Aww, darn" Don said as he tried to put his invention in his purse and realized that it did NOT fit. At this point, the person and her brain fought over whether Donnie had a purse, but we'll let YOU guys decide for yourselves. (DOES TOO!!) 

A quick internet poll was taken while you were reading this fic and it was decided..RIGHTFULLY that Don does not have a purse. Another poll was taken in the mall and at a pizza place and it was decided that don DID have a purse, so NYAH! (does not!) 

"I April O'Neil has a purse." said April as she swung her purse around. Then she saw the monster. Then she screamed her special April O'neil scream. 

"I Got it!" Danny pennington jumped up, holding a talkboy (tm) "I got her scream! I'll make bazillions!" He ran off. 

"HEY!" the monster said "I *MADE* her scream! I get some of those bazillions!" He ran after Danny. Danny ran away screaming like a little girl. 

Leo was turned on by that scream. He ran after the Monster and Danny too. 

Vern Thomson saw a news oppurtunity in this and held a screaming and running olympics for April to report from. 

At this point, the fic disapeared for a few millenia and everybody died.   


End of Chapter 2? 

[On to Chapter 7][1]   
_(You really don't need to read any of those other chaps cause it's really the same thing.)_

_[Back to Chapter 1][2]....there was a chapter 1...well no just thought there might be_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


   [1]: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/amandatello/mandy/nonsense3.html
   [2]: http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/amandatello/mandy/nonsense.html



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